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Seven Signs Your Partner No Longer Wants You

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According to psychologists, there are certain changes in behaviour that can indicate that the other partner wants a breakup.

Maryam (not real name) got the shock of her life in September 2016. Her husband of three years woke her up from sleep around 5 am one Saturday while she was still dreaming and snoring and coldly told her he was getting a divorce. The news almost caused her a heart attack.
Kola (not real name), an Information Technology specialist with a multinational company in Lekki, Lagos, accused Maryam of bewitching him to marry her, saying he was in love with another woman before the marriage.
“I couldn’t believe my ears and eyes. I thought he was joking, but after I was fully awake, I looked into his eyes and realised he meant what he was saying,” Maryam said during an interview with our correspondent.
She said, “He accused me of witchcraft, greed and other things. I couldn’t stop crying. This is a man who I devoted three years of my life to. He said he loved another lady who was abroad at the time. It was later I found out that the lady was back in Nigeria and they had been communicating many months prior to our breakup. I cried and cried and even asked family and friends to intervene, but his mind was made up.
“I had to let him go eventually. Thankfully, I had no child for him. Though, if I had, I would still have gone my way but it would have regrettably forced me to still have a little connection with him.”
After the breakup, Maryam said she decided to have a retreat in one of the “quietest” towns in the country where she thought of the next thing to do. It was then she realised she had been “careless” and not noticed the signs Kola had shown before the breakup.
In the first year of their marriage, she said they were like ‘twins.’ She was his ‘handbag,’ always hanging out and going to social events together, often wearing the same attire.
The third year of the marriage was when the enthusiasm Kola had always shown turned cold, but Maryam said: “I was too foolish I didn’t notice he didn’t love me anymore.”
According to psychologists, there are certain changes in behaviour that can indicate that the other partner wants a breakup. When this happens, it can be painful and ignite some deep-seated fears and insecurities.
Maybe you have a feeling that something is “off” with your partner or maybe you’ve noticed that the energy between you two has shifted, it’s always not a funny experience, especially when you love them so much.
According to marriage and family therapist based in San Francisco, United States, Dr Lynsie Seely, if your partner is physically with you, but you have the feeling that they are mentally or emotionally 100 miles away and you can’t quite make contact, they may be energetically closed off to you.
“We tend to close off as a defence mechanism when we don’t know how to communicate what we’re feeling but need to stay engaged in the situation,” Seely told the Huffington Post.
If you observe this happening in your relationship, try not to jump to conclusions about what’s causing the distance. Instead, it’s best to broach the subject with your partner and ask what’s been on their mind, Seely said.
“It could be that your partner is losing interest and doesn’t know how to communicate that with you,” she said. “There are other reasons your significant other may feel the need to close up, so it’s best not to assume anything.
“A compassionate conversation to explore how your partner is feeling is a good first step.”
However, besides the unsettling gut feeling, there are other indications your partner might be losing interest in you. Psychologists share some of the signs as follows:
They stop asking questions about little things
Couples in healthy relationships take a genuine interest in each other’s lives, not just when it comes to major things, but also the smaller, everyday things. For example, a partner who is engaged in the relationship knows you have a nerve-racking work meeting on Wednesday morning and will text you at lunchtime to ask how it went. A partner who has lost interest might not remember or even care enough to ask.
“As couples ‘tune out’ of their partner or the relationship, they stop being interested in the small things happening as part of each other’s day and life,” US-based therapist, Ms Isiah McKimmie, said.
Unusually slow in responding to texts, emails and phone calls
We all get busy and may be less responsive to texts depending on where we are, what we’re doing and how much we have on our plate on any given day. But if your once-responsive partner suddenly becomes difficult to reach, it could be a sign they’re distancing themselves
“People can begin to pull away in subtle ways, so how responsive someone is to you may be an indicator that they are losing interest,” psychologist Gina Delucca said. “Common behavioural signs might be taking a long time to respond to text messages or phone calls. They might make excuses that they are ‘busy at work’ or ‘forgot’ to respond.”
Occasionally, these excuses may be valid and a good partner deserves the benefit of the doubt. But if delayed response times have become the new normal, it could be a red flag.
When trying to connect, they ignore your attempts or pull away
There’s nothing wrong with asking for what you want in a relationship. After all, you can’t expect your partner to be a mind-reader. That said, if you feel like you’re constantly asking your spouse for basic things like their attention and affection and those requests are ignored, it might mean they’ve checked out of the relationship.
A Lagos-based psychologist, Mrs Funmi Adebayo, said, “If you have to keep pestering your spouse for attention, they are likely losing interest.
Adebayo said, “In a healthy relationship, you don’t struggle to gain your partner’s attention, affection or support. They give it willingly and at every time.”
You’ve stopped arguing
If every disagreement between you and your partner seems to end in a screaming match, there may be some toxic relationship dynamics at play. But when couples fight fair, that is, without name-calling, yelling or stonewalling, the relationship might still be considered healthy. However, when your partner doesn’t even have the will to argue anymore, it may be because they’re no longer invested in the relationship.
“While fighting may not be the most productive part of a relationship, it is energy being put into the relationship,” US-based therapist Anne Crowley told the Huffington Post.
“We fight when we care, when we don’t feel heard and want to be seen. When one stops fighting, this can be a sign of lost interest in the relationship,” Crowley added.
Perhaps you two used to have frequent arguments about keeping the apartment tidy. Now your partner doesn’t even seem to notice, let alone mention when your laundry basket is overflowing, it may be a sign of loss of interest.
“In other words, they’re not putting in the effort to re-stabilise the relationship,” Crowley explained. “They’re okay walking away from it, even when you want to keep the fight going.”
You rarely touch each other anymore
In the early stages of dating, it’s quite normal for couples to be extra affectionate with one another because of what psychologists call “new relationship energy” (aka NRE). Those butterflies and starry eyes might make you more inclined to hold hands in public, snuggle up on the couch or have more frequent sex.
Over time, the levels of NRE are bound to dissipate and this is normal. But if the hugs, kisses, back rubs and sex have disappeared, it could be an indication that your partner is pulling away.
“As interest begins to wane, so do displays of physical affection,” psychologist Jamie Goldstein said. “If after the sparks of a shiny new partnership settle, you notice a major shift in your partner’s level of physical affection towards you, this might be an indicator of disinterest.”
They stop making an effort with your friends and family
If your bonds with your friends and family are important to you, so should they be to your partner. Your partner may not be over the moon about spending yet another long weekend visiting your parents, but they’re usually happy to oblige, knowing it means a lot to you.
If your partner once made an effort to connect with your loved ones but now withdraws from conversation or avoids spending time with them altogether, it could point to their apathy towards the relationship.
“Although we might not always want to spend time with them, we do because it supports our partner and the relationship,” McKimmie said. “If your partner is no longer making an effort with your friends or family, they’re not making an effort for the relationship.”
You no longer feel like a priority in their life
Certain situations may demand the bulk of our attention at times, for example, young kids, a big work deadline, a sick family member, etc. But for the most part, you and your partner should be prioritising each other’s needs and supporting each other above all else.
If your partner is spending much of their time and energy on work, a new hobby or their group of friends, with no end in sight, it could be a sign they’ve checked out.
Adebayo said, “You should be the most important person in your partner’s life. If they value anyone else above you and spend more time with that person, it is time to assess the relationship.”
Similarly, Seely said if you felt like you’re always the one to initiate communication and make plans to spend time together with your partner, it could be a sign they had lost interest.
Also, Delucca said, “Another sign within this realm might be repeated cancellation of plans. Relationships are more likely to be successful when there is mutual interest and equal effort put into it.”
Source: Bossmeek.com.ng
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Opinions

Is It Negligence Of Our Leader/ Nigeria’s Economy Or It Us Being Idle?

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Countless number of Nigerian citizen today put blame on the government or the economy because of their inability to get a job or put food on their table, to us our government is our messiah, if any misfortune befall a Nigeria citizen, they next song they individual will start chanting is “This is all because of Nigeria Economy”, “our leaders are at fault “. Some even blame it on their parents, whereas it’s their indolence, you can’t sit somewhere and expect someone to notice you. Those successful people out there, had it been they depend on their economy or Country, do you think they will be well known? This world is survival of the fittest, elimination of the unfit and you can’t be a snail in a forest full of hyenas.

Not long ago, our President Muhammad Buhari called us “Lazy Nigeria youth” we all flared up and took it wrongly, youths started retweeting and blaming the government, even Buhari that “if there are jobs opportunities won’t they work” No wait, tell me! Will job opportunities come to your father’s house to find you? You need to go out there create something new, be creative, be open to new ideas! Leave your comfort zone, no one is gonna help you if you don’t help yourself first, an adage says “you can only ask someone to help you with your bucket when it’s full” exactly, how can you sit somewhere and blame others for your inability to get a job? No one is responsible for another, even if they are your parents or family, if they gave you something today and tomorrow, they will surely be reluctant to extend a giving hand the next day, not because they are stingy but because they expect you to find something doing.

There are some certain cases in which you can blame the government of your country, if there’s a situation whereby the government didn’t provide any public enterprises or a governmental companies in which individuals can get a job and make a living, or there are no social amenities, that’s when you can blame the government. But in our country case there’s no such situation, we have hundreds of public enterprises and government owned company where we can work an earn a living….

Yes I know! everything is down to connection, that is why we are all advice to learn a handiwork or a trade, no matter how many public or private companies we have in Nigeria we all can’t be working behind a desk, even some people don’t like working for another person, so why don’t you learn a vocation and get yourself a job and even employ others? This is something we all have to think of! With yourself as a boss, you won’t experience cases like, “insufficient salary”, “Precipitous termination of employment “ and other cases that salary earned deals with.

Now let’s go back to our economy, it’s a known fact that Nigeria economy isn’t encouraging at all, so many goods we are suppose to buy at a certain amount increases abruptly due to some circumstances, even some goods that are planted or invented by we citizens ourselves, guaranteed the economy is bad! But do you see those big men complaining about it? Of course not! That’s why you also have to try your very best to succeed in this country.

Always have it at the back of your mind that “success comes not to those that started but those that ended it” you can’t stop half way and expect to see full result, get your ass up and find something worthwhile to do, something legal that can bring you an income, when you become rich, price of rice or garri won’t even matter to you, only you can untie those shackles! Stop blaming the economy or the government! Go out there and make us WOW!.

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Business

Google to start paying news publishers

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Google is communicating with publishers about conceivably paying to remember their contents for a news item.

The greater part of the discussions are with publishers outside the US, the paper says, remembering for France and Europe more comprehensively.

“We need to assist individuals with discovering quality news coverage—it’s essential to educated majority rules system and helps bolster a reasonable news industry,” Google said in an announcement to the Journal. “We care profoundly about this and are chatting with accomplices and taking a gander at more approaches to extend our continuous work with publishers, expanding on programs like our Google News Activity.”

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Google has battled with counterfeit news making it into its news item previously, and in 2018, it propelled its Google News Initiative to battle the issue. The organization has likewise been engaging with news associations in Europe, and France explicitly, over a copyright law that requires the tech organizations to pay to see articles. Google has said it won’t pay and rather will change how it shows news.

Whatever this potential news item is wouldn’t be the first run through Google paid publishers. A year ago, the tech company began authorizing sound news from news publishers like ABC, Cheddar, The Related Press, CNN, Fox News Radio, PBS, Reuters, WYNC, and a lot of neighborhood radio broadcasts. Google pays the organizations to make sound in a particular configuration that works with Google Aide.

Other tech organizations, like Facebook and Apple, have explored different avenues regarding paying publishers for content, despite the fact that that hasn’t saved the media business all in all. Google, Facebook still gather most promoting income, leaving distributers to need to make sense of new moneymaking systems. Permitting charges don’t compensate for that advertisement income misfortune.

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News

How A Man Murdered His Friend Just Because Of N100

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A contradiction between two companions over a N100 obligation has brought about one of them being cut to death. It was assembled that the event happened at about 11:00pm. on Wednesday at Whitesand territory of Ijora Badia, a suburb in Apapa-Iganmu gathering zone of Lagos State.

The dead, recognized basically as White London, was said to be obliged to his supposed executioner friend, just named Emma, the total of N1,100 with a guarantee to pay back in seven days. Emma, who is a chaperon in a film house/massage parlor situated in the region, as indicated by onlooker, was given the aggregate of N1,000, with the balance of N100.

It was found out that Emma had demanded collecting the N100 balance instantly, however all intrigue for a last date failed to be noticed. As indicated by an onlooker, a fight resulted all the while, which constrained White London to go after a bottle, broke it and hit the bottle on his lender  head.

Absorbed his pool of blood, Emma additionally a bottle  and prevailing with regards to wounding White London on the neck. Actually, the jug entered profound into the neck and we saw some white things inside. Because of the immensity of blood that spouted out wildly, he kicked the bucket on the detect, (died)” the source revealed.

Image
Img source: New india express

It was additionally accumulated that the executioner had endeavored to flee, however was captured by certain individuals from the Oodua People’s Congress (OPC), who insinuated the police agents connected to Ijora Badia Division for his brief capture.

At the point when The Watchman visited the police headquarters, the body had been kept at an open funeral home, while game plan was being made to move the suspect to the State Criminal Investigation Department (SCID), Panti for additional examination.

Discoveries uncovered that Whitesand, scene of the occurrence, is a famous criminal nook that has resisted all endeavors by the state government to diminish since the time of Asiwaju Bola Tinubu as representative. The territory is additionally home to various under-matured whores, who fill in as armorers to equipped looters.

Exploited people Similarly, the region is known to be the central station of 419’ers in Lagos, the same number of exploited people were said to have been tricked into their nook and duped of immense whole of cash after some time. Likewise assembled was that distinctive sort of hard drugs are shown audaciously whenever of the day, with dealers being belittled even by law requirement agents.

The present Official of Police in the state, Hakeem Odumosu, had during his residency as the leader of the team in 2003, removed crooks the zone, just for them to reemerge. The territory had likewise been struck commonly by the consolidated group of team, RRS and Mopol, fighters as of late.

Endeavors to get the remark of the police advertising official, DSP Bala Elkana, on the issue were ineffective as he didn’t pick his calls.

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