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Painful Breakup: What’s Your Story?

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He looked like the tallest glass of chardonnay as I watched him stroll towards me. Don’t mind my comparison, i like it better than a ‘beanpole’. 

Most evenings, we’d take strolls, forgetting time takes flight when lovebirds chatter as their souls fly. We were intertwined like the well knit baskets in Dugbe market, filled with tomatoes, smooth and rotten.

We’d take turns filling each other’s ears with gists as we sat on the cool pavement. The mosquitoes would sing songs of war, buzzing around our heads after unacknowledged bites. Do you wonder if those dreadful sounds of theirs was their way of craving for attention? Ponder on this, as you peruse the rest of this story.

We were the talk of the town…the inseparable twins. I kid you not, we looked alike. That wasn’t all, we felt alike, sharing the same characteristics. If only we knew what else we shared in common.

We always thought there’d be a story about either one of us being stolen from our mothers to separate us at birth. We’d give it a thought one moment and squash it like a bug the next. We couldn’t imagine how life would be if we were related. Oh that we knew!

We knew so much about each other that we didn’t think. We were ready to grow old in each other’s arms. We felt love; and love would do no wrong in our eyes. But like the sure rising of the sun, it dawned on us.

On one of such peaceful evenings, the tempest roared unexpectedly. Cupid’s arrow, shot deeply into our hearts couldn’t stop the impending rage of the storm. We realised we didn’t know each other’s genotype. Who was going to tell first?

My heart thudded heavily in my chest the instant his lips moved. I thought it would stop when he pronounced the dreadful words. It was like a thunderclap in my ears. Goosebumps filled my skin as the tears flowed. We held each other as our tears joined like the confluence of Rivers Niger and Benue.

We were in denial but in no distant time, it was over!

This is just one story out of many; of genotype incompatibilities in the world of love and relationships. This goes beyond your phenotype which is a description of your actual physical characteristics. Many have gone neck deep in love without knowing if their genotype was compatible.

It is imperative to know your genotype before you say “yes” to that … you wish to spend the rest of your life with or if you are in a relationship in which there are chances of conception.

The problem to avoid with genotype compatibility for intending couples is the sickle cell disease (a recessive disorder)–a very serious medical condition with high prevalence rates.

This is one break up story… Dear readers, were you ever in this situation? Or your breakup was caused by something else? You can share in the comment section.

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2 Comments

2 Comments

  1. Samson Isaac

    May 9, 2020 at 9:08 pm

    Wow.. We all have ours… The first past of the story … Brought a lot of old feelings… But is OK.. Thanks

    • Rachael

      May 10, 2020 at 9:09 am

      I understand.If you’d like to share how you overcame it…it would be a form of encouragement to others. Thanks!

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Relationship

7 Signs That Show Your Girlfriend Is Cheating On You

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Are you in a relationship and you begin to notice some abrupt changes about your girlfriend? Are you afraid of heartbreak and you want to know if your girlfriend has been cheating on you? Then you have to familiar yourself with some signs that your girlfriend will begin to show if she has started cheating on you.

READ ALSO: 7 Dangerous Things You Should Avoid In Relationship

There is no one way to know a cheating lover, as a matter of fact, a girl might be cheating and she will not even show any sign until she is no longer interested in you. But there are some common signs that most partners begin to show when they have started cheating on their lovers.

READ ALSO: 7 Things Every Woman Wants In A Relationship

Cheating in relationship is a sign of self-regulation failure. When it happens ones, it is a mistake. When it happens twice, it is unfortunate. But when it happens thrice or more, it is a pattern indicating primitive, uncivilized inhuman behavior.” – Abhijit Naskar.

Cheating is not something that has to persist in a serious relationship
because
you don’t have any reason to stay with someone you are not loving again. Most people cheat because they are tired of the relationship, because they have found happiness somewhere else and some, because of their greediness. Thus, if you’re not satisfied with the care, love and attention you’re getting from your lover, you may possibly, end up cheating on him,

However, if a man wants to know when his girlfriend has began to cheat, he is advised to observe these 6 signs in them:

1. She changes her password frequently: this is one of the way to know a cheating girlfriend. She will always do her best to protect her privacy. Especially, someone who doesn’t value privacy before we now start seeing value in protecting all her WhatsApp messages, SMS, Facebook messengers and others. If she begins to do this, then she is up to something.

2. She begins to avoid going out with you: A girl that has interest in someone else will suddenly lose interest in following you to any event. She will reject your offer to take her out on a date because she doesn’t want the new guy she’s probably dating to notice that she’s dating you too.

3. She begins to smile to phone whenever she’s chatting: Suddenly, you will notice she has started smiling to phone, she’s probably reading the texts of her crush or the person she is now cheating with.

4. She begins to excuse herself whenever she wants to pick calls: Someone that has been picking calls in your presence before will abruptly, lose interest in picking calls in your presence. She does not want you to hear what the new guy is saying to her so she will do everything to excuse herself whenever the new guy call her mobile number.

5. She begins to ignore your chats: When you start noticing that your girl has began to ignore your chats that means she’s already losing interest in you. Most times, she reads your messages and refuses to reply all because the love is no more there. All because she has started loving someone else.

6. She begins to keep her phone away from you: suddenly, she will start protecting her phone. She wouldn’t allow you to notice or know what is going on. When you notice you may ask her ‘silly’ questions, that is why she wouldn’t even be careless with her phone at all. So that you wouldn’t find out what is going on.

7. She suddenly behaves strange: This is very common to every girl that is cheating. They will begin to act strange, get angry unnecessary and give you responses in harsh tones. When you begin to notice this, it means something is going on somewhere; probably, she has started cheating.

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Painful Breakup: What’s Your Story? (Part 3)

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Helen is in the kitchen, trying to fix herself dinner when she hears the door slam shut. She  jumped in fright and switched off the gas. Wiping her hands clean on the back of her shorts, she tiptoed back to the room. Maybe he won’t barge in today, but that’s a chance she’s not willing to take.

Wincing as the pain shot through her upper arm like an arrow in Russian roulette, she pulled up a big sweatshirt with a hoodie from her bag; the goal was to hide the marks on her face—he doesn’t like to see the marks on her body.

Tears threatened to fall from her eyes as her mind screamed in pain trying to pull on the sweatshirt. What will happen if he heard her as she screamed? What if he hit her again like last night? Like a movie on screen, last night’s episode flashed through her mind; still fresh in her memory…how he beat her till she passed out just because Jason, her friend from college called her on her cellphone. God! Please save me!

If it’s love, why does it hurt?

Eyes darting to the door, she realised it was closed.  Quickly, she scrambled for it and left it open. He doesn’t like her closing the door either. Her heart hammered in her chest like those drums she use to play in church when she was little. Only now they were beating out of rhythm. He didn’t want her playing drums anymore. He said it makes her proud. Oh God! I’m going crazy, would you help me? 

“Helen!” She jerked in fright, “he’s calling me, God what do I do?” She hurriedly wiped her eyes clean as he appeared in the doorway with a lopsided grin on his face. In a nanosecond, a deep frown replaced the grin. “Are you crying?”

He hastened over, grabbing her face by the chin. pushing the hoodie off her head, he looked her over as his mood swayed to the one she knew like the back of her hand. “Am I not treating you well? Why are you sad?”She frantically tried to explain when the blow came out of nowhere and landed square under her nose.

He let her drop on the bed and continued haranguing her about how she should be grateful to him. These biting words were no longer new to her, she was immune.

All of a sudden, like light shines in a darkened room, the wheels of her mind in motion, she rose up from the bed. “This isn’t the end, I don’t deserve this. I can get out of this.”

She felt like a Phoenix, rising out of the ashes. Seeing the her chance, she landed a blow on his groin and dashed out of the house without looking back.

 Are you in a relationship swimming in physical abuse? Do you feel like there’s no hope for you? Maybe you think you won’t survive on your own if you leave him/her; there are even scenarios where the lady is the violent one.

Unless you are like that lady who went on social media telling the world that she loves it when her man beats her and feels it’s his way of showing his love for her, you need to come out of that relationship.

 It’s common for someone who is being abused to feel that they somehow deserve it. It’s important to know that you’re never to blame. 

How To Know Your Relationship Is Abusive

  1. They check on you all the time to see where you are, what you’re doing and who you’re with.
  2. They try to control where you go and who you see, and get angry if you don’t do what they say. 
  3. They accuse you of being unfaithful or of flirting.
  4. They isolate you from family and friends, often by behaving rudely to them.
  5. They put you down, either publicly or privately, by attacking your intelligence, looks, mental health or capabilities.
  6. They constantly compare you unfavourably to others.
  7. They blame you for all the problems in your relationship, and for their violent outbursts.
  8. They say things like, ‘No one else will want you.’
  9. They yell or sulk, and deliberately break things that you value.
  10. They threaten to use violence against you, your family, friends or a pet.
  11. They push, shove, hit or grab you, or make you have sex or do things you don’t want to do.
  12. They harm you, your pets or your family members. 

You might even make excuses for them, defending them and taking the blame. You’re scared of what they’ll do when you leave them. Please reach out to someone if you’re in this category. Remember there are people who still care.

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Painful Breakup: What’s Your Story? (Part 2)

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It’s a lazy slide down to archived messages. He’s online! It’s 9pm and this should be the 20th time you’ve checked his profile picture; who’s counting anyway? He didn’t call today, but does he ever?

A deep sigh and 10 seconds later, you’re on twitter reading his tweets from top to bottom. Just then, a new tweet from him enters. Your heart thumps and starts racing…then you send a message.

You’re awake the next morning with a deep frown on your forehead. After morning prayers, the first thing you check on social media is twitter. He read and ignored your message. Then, you’re thinking—maybe his phone went off, maybe it’s network; a whole lot of maybes. Of course, you’ll defend him; because you love him.

You’re thinking maybe you shouldn’t jump to conclusions; he’ll reply. Then, you close your mind’s eye to all the many times he has ignored your messages before. You’re not sure if it’s just you or everyone goes through this in their relationships.

You always want to ask yourself where you’ve gone wrong. You’ve steeled yourself against calling him this time because he always says he’ll work on it and he never does. It’s the same old story!

Then one day, you summon courage and confront him. He says he doesn’t seem to have interest in the relationship anymore. His fear of hurting you made him keep it to himself for a long time. You wince as he drops this piece of news. To him, it’s a load off his chest but to you, it’s not just words, it’s like the day mama’s precious set of China slipped from your hands unto the tiled floor, breaking to smithereens. Only this time, it’s your heart on the floor in place of the China.

Then, you start blaming yourself; ‘maybe I was complaining too much’,  ‘maybe I pushed him away’, ‘or maybe I didn’t love him well enough’… All these daily plaque your mind and you wonder if you’ll ever get answers.

Most of us have seen instances of lopsided love. It happens:

1. If one person is doing all the emotional work in the relationship. Are you always the one who calls, texts, makes plans for an outing? Whose loving words are met with a strained silence or ignored? Is your partner unwilling to participate in making the relationship work?

2. If you find yourself giving and giving, listening, sacrificing time and your own priorities repeatedly while he or she never does the same for you, it’s a lopsided relationship.

3. If you find yourself making excuses for him or her, you may be having this fantasy that whenever you’re in a relationship, you have to stay with your partner in good times and in bad, and yet, he or she opts out time and again.

4. You’re not a priority in his or her life. If he or she always choose to give time and attention to everyone except you, then you’re definitely in a lopsided love relationship.

Ask yourself what you’re getting. What do you get out of giving and giving and getting little or nothing in return? Some people are dedicated martyrs in their relationships, how do you feel this will work for you long term if nothing were to change?

It’s a matter of what you can live with, what matters most to you and what you can let go.

This was another painful break up story. Have you experienced a similar situation? Or is your story entirely different? Please share in the comment section. Remember you’ve only gotten over it if you can talk about it!

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